Roger's Rating:

Wow I've had this movie for a long time. It's part of the “classic” box from storage that I had long before I started reviewing adult movies. (Ten years ago this summer.) I don't remember exactly when I picked it up, but I know why. Not only is it a silly action/comedy feature from back in the day when they made such things, but it also stars a young (and fucking hot) Amber Lynn as the lead. Her Jane Bond character has a license to give us wood and is opposed by one of my all time favorites, Kristara Barrington. Since she is one of my all-time favorite babes, I love watching her in any role. In this movie she plays an arch-villain with plans to rule the world with a sex ray that can turn any woman into a sex-crazed animal.

Octopussy has developed a ray that turns all women into sluts and with the help of her Columbian drug-lord partner (Tony Montana) plans to extort cities around the globe with it. Meanwhile, Amber doesn't need a ray to behave like a slut. She likes to wake up with a furious session of self love. Her silver vibe does the trick and we get a chance to watch as she writhes on her bed. At this point in her career, Amber had a perfect body and was a walking wet dream. Just as she cums all over her fingers, Jane gets the call from Control alerting her to the evil plans.

Posing as a high-end escort, Jane gets into the mansion and quickly gets the job. She shows her new boss, (Gary Baker) just how good she is on her knees. Amber gets his dick in her mouth and makes it rise quickly. Once she can get her hand around it, the dirty blonde really picks things up. Amber was a dirty girl who knew how to please. (Probably still does) and always loved talking dirty. With his cock wet and throbbing, she stands and whispers “let's fuck.” Somehow you know that she means it. He moves her to the bed and gives the money-make a serious taste test. That's quite a little rub Amber has growing down there, but he manages to work his tongue through the fur and get her going. Once the cock goes in, Amber is even more vocal and has him ready to pop after a short mish and spoon session. When he pulls out to shoot, she helps by jerking him off all over her hip.

Amber isn't the only agent undercover in the house. Blondie is also on the case. As she explains in her breathless (and clueless) manner, she is just a file clerk sent on a mission after a computer error. To make matters worse, she is also a virgin. Blondie is gorgeous as always, but check out the look she's sporting. Hair glitter, it must be the 80's. Inside the lair, Octopussy congratulates her top scientist (and girl toy) Porsche Lynn for creating the ray. To celebrate, the girls go wild on each other. This is our first chance to see Kristara naked and she reveals a hot little body with mouth-watering nipples. There is some great footage as she goes down on Porsche, with just her eyes peering over that soft red tuft of hair. They break out a dildo and Ms. Lynn becomes quite vocal as she stuffed with fake cock. These two legends look great together, but their post-climax kiss seems a bit forced.

Outside, Blondie is doing her duty for her country, stripping out of her jumpsuit and showing off a perfect little body to Tony. She is ready to give up her cherry if that is what it takes. (Yeah, lots of virgin file clerks have shaved boxes and fake hooters.) For those who don't remember, Blondie was a very hot girl who only worked with her off-screen guy (Tony) and occasionally with other girls. Though Raquel would become more famous later for the same thing, I always though that Blondie was nearly as beautiful and maybe even a little hotter in scenes. Tony works her pussy into a lather before letting the lovely girl suck some cock. As he leans back and watches her pretty lips work his meat, Tony fingers that 'virgin' slit. Blondie doesn't have a bad feature so every angle is great and she even puts a little bit of enthusiasm into her scenes as he fucks her long and hard. Spoon works really well for the eye candy, but in reverse cowgirl we get the best view of her perfect form. (And in this position we don't have to watch their extreme tongue-out kissing.) She works him hard and then strokes his cum out onto her belly. Sometimes it only takes one time for a girl to get hooked on cock.

Randy West gets caught sneaking into the house and is tied to a chair by Mauvis and Lorrie. This salt and pepper team has been zapped by the gun and they are ready to fuck Randy right into retirement. (Ummm, didn't work.) Both women are B-Girls at best, but Mauvis was always good with her mouth. Poor Randy is smothered by the two women who can't get enough cock. This is one of those scenes that reminds me of the old “filler” days. In a cast of hot women, there always seemed to be one or two scenes that were just there to fill time. It kept the B Girls working I guess. Of course as I write that, Mauvis is doing some really nice looking doggy and showing off a very sexy bod. They want cum and Randy gives them a whole three drops to share.

Jane gets the whole story from Porsche who can't wait to spill the whole plot. The gun that turns women into sluts, turns men into wimps so Octopussy plans to take over the world by rendering men helpless and using an army of un-dosed women to rule. She then rushes out to save Randy from being fucked by the two horny girls again. He's her back up, but all she wants is to have him “back up” so she can suck his cock. The blonde super agent looks fantastic as she strips down and then delivers a wet, loud blowjob that has him back at attention in no time. Amber slides up onto his cock, arches her back to show off her fantastic ass and then rides his dick like it's the biggest thing she's ever felt. Her energy really makes the scene work. Randy is over matched as she grinds her hips and fucks him like a champ. They both enjoy doggy, but Randy wants to be on top as he finishes off the scene and leaves his load on her belly.

The agents are captured and Jane is brought before Octopussy. As she is about to be killed on the Kong Dong, Jane whips out a hidden sex ray and zaps Octopussy. She immediately forgets about her plans and has to suck off her henchman. We have had to wait a long to see those lips around a cock, but Kristara on her knees is always worth the wait. She has him throbbing in no time and even manages to out-suck Amber along the way. He tosses her up on the table and licks her bush for a bit. She needs it in her though and bends over to show off a perfect ass, great legs and to allow her natural tits to shake invitingly as he slams his meat home. He drops the hammer on her and leaves a load all over her belly.

OK, so it isn't quite as hot as I remember it from all those years ago. Jane Bond Meets Octopussy is still a fun little feature with terrible acting, even worse over-acting and some very hot women. The sex is all right. Nothing that could compare to gonzo stuff today, but as good if not better than the feature-sex we get these days. Amber and Kristara are the stars here and they look fantastic. A scene with the two of them together would have been nice, but what we have is pretty good. Kristara works well with Porsche and then does a great finale. Amber fucks a few times and shows off that perfect body wonderfully. Blondi does her usual nice job and keeps us laughing with her dialog. (Laughing almost as hard as we do whenever Tony utters one of his lines.) There are filler scenes, dialog chunks that make no sense, a virgin secret agent, a sex ray, Randy West sighting, a hand written sign for a door that reads “Keep Out of the Lab” and of course, hair glitter. What more could you ask for in a trip down masturbatory lane?

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM

Mr. Lipps' Rating:

Starring: Amber, Amber, Amber!!! Sorry, I'm a sucker for Amber, and while this isn't the best thing she ever did, it's a fine example of her sizzling screen sexuality. Fortunately, the supporting female cast is just about as distinguished -- cute lil' Blondi, smoldering Kristara Barrington, sweet Porsche Lynn, and two-lesser-known but no-less-arousing sluts, Lori Lovett and Mauvais de Noire. Tony Montana, Randy West, and good-looking but seldom-seen Gary Barker are the guys. This is another porno in which plot and acting can be largely ignored. In this porno-oh-seven knockoff, Octopussy (Kris) has procured a sex-ray that makes women superhorny (oh, no! not another one!). Jane Bond is on her case, of course.

Although the produces did spend a little more money than usual on sets and costumes, no one is going to mistake this vid for a Sean Connery flick. Most of the sexing takes place in an opulent mansion, and there is one particularly atmospheric scene in somebody's basement. More importantly, the videography, editing, and overall direction by Jack Remy are well-done.

Pretty damn hot, y'know? Many people aren't especially turned on by female masturbation scenes, but Amber in her prime was something special when she applied her well-manicured hands to her ripe, pink pussy! And the expressions on her lovely face are erotic poetry! Ok, enough. You know where I stand on Amber. She soons goes into action with Gary in an office-interview suck/fuck. Kristara (supposedly a manhater in this vid) gets Porsche to reveal the sexy lingerie beneath her labcoat, then starts an intense lezbo licakathon. Blondi heads into some outdoor action with -- who else? -- Tony, and whatever she saw in that guy, their on-camera fuck chemistry was for real! She takes his load all over her cute tits. Next, Randy (one of Jane's fellow agent) is caught snooping by Lori and Mauvais, both crazed by the sex-ray and demanding to do some snooping on Randy. After giving them just three hours to stop, he reluctantly escapes their clutches, only to encounter Amber and to be treated to a hot fuck with her, ending as she jacks his load all over her cute little belly. Finally, Kristara gets a little dose of the sex-ray and decides she likes guys after all -- or at least, Gary, whom she fucks and sucks to a big blow. This is primo late-'80s porn, folks, featuring some of thebest X-rated performers of the time.

Need I say "Amber?" The supporting cast is excellent, but it's Amber's showcase.

I always take a point off for Tony Montana, one of the most obnoxious male porn performers of all time -- though in this vid he's somewhat subdued. (Sorry -- if you like him, write you own review). It also would have been nice to see Porsche in a hetero scene.

Like I said, a great Amber Lynn showcase. If you're a fan, check it out. If you're not, still a hot, cutesie vid for sharing with your mate or for when you have a solo whack attack. The women are cute and into it! Minus a point for Tony Montana, the RATING: 7

Posted By Mr. Lipps, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/12/06 1:58 PM