Roger's Rating:

After the amazing reactions to my last "classic" review, I figured I would follow the lead of some people who said that "800 Fantasy Lane" is really a Golden Age title to watch. As one of Nu Tech's remastered classics, this one has been cleaned up and presented on DVD for the first time. When you consider the terrible shape a lot of these GA movies are in, this DVD transfer is really good. Getting picture quality this good from old originals just wasn't possible on video and that has to be the best thing about DVD for fans of pre-video age smut. The plot for this one is pretty simple and reminds me a lot of those 80's T & A movies I used to sneak around and watch. (Since there is no exact release date on this movie, I'm going to have to guess that it's at least 5 years before my porn watching days. Looking for fun, Jamie Gillis finds out about an LA real estate firm that hires hot women to show expensive properties to high rollers. With his buddy (Bud Wise) in tow, they head to LA, pretending to be oil tycoons and get the full treatment.

As soon as they arrive, the guys know that their plan is a good one. Set up in a huge house, with girls everywhere it's a sure bet that they are going to get laid. Before that happens, they watch a few minutes of lesbian action. (With the fisting cut out from the original release.) Since all the girls living in the place are in real estate, they are more than willing to grease the wheels before showing property. Lisa DeLeeuw is the first to get to Gillis. I saw Lisa in later movies, but this is before she got really huge and she looks quite good. What a set of tits on this redhead. People have asked why I say that Golden Age movies are poorly shot from a sexual standpoint. Lisa's blowjob is a prime example. As she sucks, more than half of the footage is of the top of her head, her shoulder or Gillis' face. The tit fucking is a lot better, so it's not a total loss. Her big tits are perfect for this kind of action and Gillis shoots a load all over them.

Beating Lisa to the punch. Nancy Suiter takes Gillis and Wise out for their first look. A little competition brews and Jamie boots his pal out of the limo. Greedy Jamie likes the first house they see, but has more fun with Nancy and her driver. (What, he couldn't have let Bud bang one of these women?) This time the blowjob is shot alittle better, but how many reaction shots of Jamie do we need? (He's getting his cock sucked by two pretty women, we can assume he's got that goofy blowjob face going.) Using his wits, Wise comes up with a plan to force Gillis to leave the girls so he can get in some of the action as well. He manages to shoot a load all over Nancy's tits and then pretends to fuck some more. (Note that we haven't seen a boy/girl fuck scene yet.)

Dejected, Gillis goes back to the mansion where he finds an interesting dungeon scene going on. He watches the semi-rough girl on girl action for a while, but eventually joins in. (He even singes some pubes off one of the chicks. Ahh, no thanks). There is finally some dick in pussy action, but you can count the footage with a stopwatch during this mess of a scene. To be fair, if you like restraints, misogyny and chicks crying you might bot be as completely bored as I was. It's more interesting to wonder if the people who praise the good old days while blasting today's more "extreme" porn have this kind of shit in mind when they talk about the classics. (A good talking point for future discussions.) As for how this scene is shot, it's got more shots of Jamie's face than anything else and makes me wonder now if Greg Dark was on downers when he learned to edit. Someone needs to slow down a bit with the cuts.

Wise hits the tennis couts with Lisa and two other girls. I wish I could tell you who the other two girls are because they are gorgeous. (45 minutes of net research gave me nothing on these babes.) The topless tennis footage is pretty good especially since Lisa and the prettiest of the three women are so busty. (Whoever this brunette with the big tits is, she is by far the best looking woman in this movie.) Sadly, this doesn't go anywhere. (Another problem I have with classics.) Gillis ends up fucking a whole room full of girls in the bath while Wise nails Desiree Cousteau in the other room.

Here is where a straight forward script takes a turn that makes no fucking sense. Everyone is playing pool and smoking a little pot. The guys end up having these fucked up hallucinations that incude an eight foot penis raining mild down on naked chicks and Gillis playing lion tamer in a sexual circus. He is in a cage with Serena, Lisa and Aubrey Nichols who all have on body make up to represent a pony, leopard and tiger respectively. Interesting role play I suppose and some decent sex, but the out of left field motivation for this scene (Like the dungeon bang) just makes no sense. Lisa looks good, but Aubrey manages to steal most of the sexual thunder in this odd, final scene.

There is a back on target end to this story, which is nice to see. Overall, I found the plot in this classic porn pretty good. It can't quite decide if it's screwball comedy (With Gillis mugging it up ala Jerry Butler is Bad Girls 3) or more experimental. As such, the trip to the dungeon and the animals in the cage scene really didn't fit well. Since the latter is the best sex scene of the movie and probably one of the best of the era, I can forgive the leap into psychedellic sex fantasy-land. Gillis is very good, though as mentioned, he can't decide if he's smooth enought to con the women, or just some hapless joker who is pulling fast one. Either way, he is at least entertaining and the story hold its own. Sexually, this one has some good moments. I'm sure a lot of people consider this a classic because of the fisting (pulled for this release) and the hard-core S&M/rape/pain scene. Nancy Suiter looks good and has a pretty hot three way. Lisa DeLeeuw looks better here than in most of the other movies I have seen her do. Still, it's the big titted beauty from the tennis courts that I really wanted to see get busy. I still say the sex is shot better today, but other than that, this one holds up pretty well. The excellent DVD transfer really helps a lot.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM