Roger's Rating:

In keeping with my desire to watch some funny porn, I'm going to give this Jerome Tanner flick a shot. I don't know how many of you saw the horribly over-hyped “Day Without a Mexican” last year, but trust me you weren't missing anything. It was a stupid little movie about a mysterious fog that surrounds the state of California and causes all of the “Mexicans” to vanish. While that movie drown in its own racism, beat the same single-joke to death within five minutes and looked as if it were shot with a home cam-corder from the 1980's. Tanner's version is more likely to drown in jizz, beat a few hard cocks to the point of explosion and it was shot in HD. The Indie film starred one semi-hot girl who couldn't deliver her lines. Tanner's version has at least four totally hot babes who can't deliver lines. Their movie was a racist attempt to be PC and socially relevant. Tanner's movie will be none of those three. You do the math.

The whores in question don't vanish in this movie, they do something much worse. They sober up. It's a pretty funny set up made even funnier by some nicely delivered dialog by Lauren Phoenix. She is the leader of the new wave of sober porn girls and is looking to unionize her sisters. To demonstrate the dangers of her work, Lauren shows a scene that features her sucking cock through a table equipped with stocks. He's got enough dick to poke through the wood and she delivers her usual stellar head. Lauren earns herself a bit of rest and lies comfortably while the guy gets his tongue way up inside of her pussy. They move to a handing cage so that he can fuck her through the bars. Though it is cramped quarters, Lauren looks good and we get as many good shots of her legs as is possible. As they return to the bed we get to enjoy her big ass as she rides him like a rented mule. The scene is going along well in doggy when all of a sudden we get a really awkward cut to a pop in mish. Up until the end it was a pretty good scene.

When the whores go on strike, that puts all of the meat jockeys out of work as well. That makes it very hard for guys like Tommy Gunn to find a job. He goes down to the unemployment office and finds that he has no useable skills. Luckily Harmony is the girl behind the desk and she figures out something he can do. He puts her on the desk and shows him his talents. Harmony has a great set of tits and a nice little pussy that drips like crazy as he goes down on her. They keep her dress bunched around her middle as she goes to town sucking his cock. Harmony gives a great blowjob and has Tommy's prick dripping with spit in no time. When she gets on top of his rod, they get rid of the clothes. She shakes her lovely tits and puts on a good show. He bends her over for some quick doggy and then dumps a quick load on her face.

Manuel Ferrara is also down in the dumps until Katja Kassin strolls into the bar with some funny dialog about reviewing porn and specifically Nectar movies. Katja puts a smile on his face by wrapping her talented lips around his big tool. Katja has always been thick with that great big ass to show off, but she looks generally heavy in this movie. Perhaps that explains why she does the cummerbund thing going on. These two work well together because this babe loves it big. Manuel is packing a major pole and Katja rides it well. After a quick fuck, he sprays her face and as always, we cut away too quickly.

Cover girl Vanessa Lane stars with Joel Lawrence in a reenactment of a tragic event in Lauren's life. His girlfriend is out protesting, so Joel is able to enjoy this sexy brunette's deep oral stokes. The blowjob is great, but you have to watch this woman do the splits over his big cock to really appreciate the skills she brings to the table. That sort of flexibility is always great and she uses it to help as he spoons her. The real highlight though is watching this girl lock her ankles behind her fucking head. She does that for quite a while as Joel bangs away. After that kind of action, the final position is almost an afterthought, but it's also a picture of flexibility. She stands on one foot, takes cock from behind while holding one of her feet behind her shoulder. Damn that is impressive. Joel gives her a pop on the chest right before Lauren shows up and catches them.

The porn star union falls apart when scabs start crossing the picket line. Missy Monroe struts past the angry girls and can't wait to get her mouth around a hard cock. Her blowjob scene is a disappointment because Missy is such a great cock sucker that it is a shame to see it shot from every bad angle you can think of. They use the little chair quite well, pushing her legs back to fuck her raw. She takes a hard ride on his dick and proves that scabs can fuck pretty well. (Ewww, scabs is just not a word you want to use in a porn review.) He finishes off with a rather average pop and the world is returned to its natural state.

There are some genuinely funny moments in this movie and the script is actually more impressive than the sex in most scenes. It is one of those rare times when the porn version of a flick is actually a lot better than the mainstream effort. We do get some good looking girls and Lauren Phoenix is always worth watching. She handles her sex scene perfectly and is good with her dialog as well. Harmony, Katja and Missy are also good in their sex scenes. Nothing spectacular of course, but serviceable stroke scenes nonetheless. Vanessa Lane was the one girl in this movie I hadn't seen before and she impressed the hell out of me. She may not be the best looking of the bunch, but she isn't hard on the eyes either. What sets her apart is her amazing flexibility. Watching her take it with her ankles locked behind her head is the sort of thing that porn fantasies are made of. More of this babe in hard to reach sexual positions. Hopefully this movie will have people thinking as they stroke. A porn star union is a horrible idea and this movie should be used as proof.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM